Would you do this if you felt that the memory of a deceased atheist was being "religion-ized" and dishonored? Or would you think comforting the living is more important?
Saturday, April 4, 2020
Response to "An Atheist Funeral"
Ben's question about whether or not atheists should have funerals--and Dr. Oliver's response--reminded me of this scene. I recently watched the 2016 movie Captain Fantastic and found it to be pretty good. It's worth checking out for tons of other thought-provoking moments AND it's on Kanopy. So . . . free, free free, freeeeee, fr-fr-FREE!
Would you do this if you felt that the memory of a deceased atheist was being "religion-ized" and dishonored? Or would you think comforting the living is more important?
Would you do this if you felt that the memory of a deceased atheist was being "religion-ized" and dishonored? Or would you think comforting the living is more important?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
If I thought that would happen, I hope I'd either skip the funeral or (depending on how close I was to my friend's survivors) find a discrete and respectful way of registering my unease. More likely I'd do as I've done before: bite my tongue when that phrase "in a better place" is repeated like a mantra.
ReplyDeleteI've actually given some thought (and written some of it down) to how I hope I'll be memorialized. First of all, that phrase is forbidden! And I'd like my views on an afterlife (namely that the only afterlife I lived my life in sight of was that of my survivors and my species on this earth) to be acknowledged. Include a reading of John Dewey's conclusion of "A Common Faith"...
"The things in civilization we most prize are not of ourselves. They exist by grace of the doings and sufferings of the continuous human community in which we are a link. Ours is the responsibility of conserving, transmitting, rectifying and expanding the heritage of values we have received, that those who come after us may receive it more solid and secure, more widely accessible and more generously shared than we have received it.”
And play some of my favorite upbeat, life-affirming music during the service, no bleak dirges please. Maybe John Fogerty's "Put Me in Coach," and Mark Knopfler's "Walk of Life"...
Have any of you given thought to how you want to be sent off?
I have to agree with Dr. Oliver on this one... biting my tongue would be the wisest choice. That being said, I wouldn't hesitate to mention my objections/unease/anger to the deceased's family, depending on closeness of course. In my opinion, funerals themselves are simply rituals to commemorate the dead, regardless of religion. To include religious context irrelevant to the deceased is, I think, a disservice.
ReplyDeleteAs I watched that scene (again), I had two thoughts. One, I wanted to see some of the attendees get up and leave when Jeff Daniels was thrown out. There is such a stark disconnect between the daughter’s wishes and the life she chose to live and the father’s pigheadedness in forcing his values on his dead daughter that it would be obvious to all who were there. Wouldn’t that be a great scene – out of respect for the daughter they left, leaving alone the father who showed no respect for his daughter, but only to convention. But perhaps that is too harsh. Perhaps that is the only way they knew to process their own grief. The service was for them, and the fact that it might be contrary to the daughter’s beliefs was irrelevant. “By God, I don’t care what he believed, he is going to have a Christian funeral.” Secondly, I am spending a good deal of time with Spinoza these days, and when I looked at the scene, I thought that I was seeing a good example of people being in bondage because of confused ideas. Like people crowding in churches during a pandemic while stay-at-home orders are in place.
ReplyDeleteYes, Ed, I also thought a lot about that being the "only way they knew to process their own grief" and that "[t]he service was for them." It seems like there's a need for meaningful grief and a need to respect the memory of the deceased. Prioritizing either one too much can be problematic. As for walking out on a service in protest, I haven't seen that much at all in my life. People are so reluctant--understandably--to do something like that. They'll disagree, and even, in some cases, find what the minister is saying to be morally repugnant, but they won't get out of those pews. A huge taboo that's worth exploring!
DeleteThinking more about how I want to sent off:
ReplyDelete-preferably no burial; something about preserving bodies inside of non-biodegradable containers and sticking them in private plots of lands seems unsustainable; let's find a better way of putting my corpse to use, e.g., medical research, organ donation, or some form of environmentally friendly disposal
-no talk about heaven or hell, especially as a rhetorical means of persuading conversion; this happens more often than it should: "So and so is dead. Death happens to us all. Let that be a warning to you! Do you know Jesus?!"
-a reading selection from humanist sources: poets, philosophers, musicians; all affirming of life and accepting of death, without the assurance of supernatural salvation; Walt Whitman is a favorite of mine:
What do you think has become of the young and old men?
And what do you think has become of the women and chil-
dren?
They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the
end to arrest it,
And ceas'd the moment life appear'd.
All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.
I myself think the husband was out of line to take such a measurement in defending his wife's memory. Not necessarily his objections but the way he went about it. The Will he read out to the congregation- along with his status of husband- surely would have enough to take legal action and preform the proper rites as laid out by the deceased. Had it been reversed, where the cremation was taking place and the deceased wished for a casket his outburst is a little more appropriate as there is no way to turn back from ashes.
ReplyDeleteThe people who were present mostly had an emotional tie to the ceremony and were grieving over a lost loved one the only way they knew how. This could have been handled behind the scenes without the emotional scarring. I see no reason for the speech though i do understand why he was so devoted to it as his own way of grieving and trying to set the world right by his late wife.
I myself dont really care how I am taken care of once I pass, do with my body what you will it has no effect on me since Im already gone. I wish for those who miss me to have the best chance at coming to terms with their grief because they are the ones who are left behind.
In this case she had a will and a certain way she wanted her death, so I believe that should have been followed. i feel her family was being selfish by making themselves feel comfortable by giving her the "Christain" home-going.
ReplyDeleteI want my funereal to be a party because I am going back from whence I came and its to be celebrated.