A Life Driven Purpose

A Life Driven Purpose -

Now more than ever, surviving (or trying to anyway) during a national pandemic has been hard as a person who lacks faith. I have realized in more ways than one that my previous life of faith was not something that I ever truly called on or genuinely lived by unless I was in times of distress and discomfort. And although this does solidify that my graceful exit from the Southern Baptist Church was the correct move for me, I have found myself looking back on it with a sense of nostalgia. It felt much easier to, "Let Go and Let God" - if you will.

Because of this I decided to combine my midterm topic with my final topic. My midterm presentation I will elaborate on in more depth, and in application, as I have had to find purpose without faith much more than I ever have had to in the past, due to current events. It can be seen here in presentation mode for reference.

This statistical chart was in reference to a survey asking individuals where they found their highest sense of purpose, and surprisingly only 23% of people reported that their highest sense of purpose stemmed from their spiritual practices (the category that religion was classified under. Remember, everyone, spirituality is not necessarily synonymous with religion.)

I've had to ask myself this often over the last month and a half. I've had most of the things that give me a purpose stripped from me, with little to nothing I can do about it. I found daily purpose in attending class on campus, surrounded by like-minded individuals. Feeding my knowledge and solidifying my own belief systems with each passing day and interaction. I lost the majority of my income due to pandemic precautionary restrictions (not a good time to be a bartender, ladies and gentlemen.) I never realized the security provided to me by having a steady, reliable income that alleviated me from ever questioning my purpose as a provider. I never realized how much I looked to my job for purpose. Each shift I worked I knew what was expected of me. I had a meaning in my position. I looked forward to the familiar faces I saw each week that probably equivocally relied on the routine of seeing me as much as I relied on the routine of seeing them. I looked forward to still, slow mornings, waking up to a freshly brewed pot of coffee, and making my son's breakfast and lunch before taking him to school. I found purpose in fulfilling my daily responsibilities as a mother, which I find have rapidly multiplied to the point that they now overwhelm me instead of satisfy me.

It felt incredibly abrasive to have all of those things that gave me a sense of meaning stripped from me at once - but in some ways I am now finding this experience could be incredibly helpful if I let it. Because it is my right and authority to own my experience, as I have further learned in this text. It is one thing to make a PowerPoint presentation on how an Atheist finds purpose, it is another to be an Atheist that is now required to cultivate that purpose amidst the lack of the all the arbitrary things that may supply it for you, even if you do not realize that they do. To practice what you preach, no pun intended.

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Dan Barker's book titled, "A Life Driven Purpose," starts by breaking down some of the stigma surrounding atheism, but he ultimately spends most of the book identifying that the answer to the transcendent question of "What is the purpose of life" is simply this: to live it. There is no other divine explanation, or metaphysical explanation. Life is important, it is meaningful and intrinsically purposeful because it is life. Human beings have an instinctive desire to find the cause of any and every thing that happens. Though this is sometimes a good thing, as it is often the motivator for scientific, technological, economic, and social discovery and reform, we also have the strongest desire to find a cause in times of depravity.  "Who is to blame for this" or "Why did this happen" are at the forefront of questions most people ask when something goes undeniably wrong. The discomfort that derives from not being able to answer those questions is why I believe religion has continued to be the most powerful and influential conduit that exists. When we just don't know, isn't it nice to believe in an omnipotent God that always knows? If anything, it certainly gives a certain peace of mind when an individual doesn't want to take responsibility for their, perhaps, hindering personal choices.

My grandmother explains every negative situation with a biblical reason. "Maybe you were late to work because you would've been in a wreck if you had left on time, and God knew it wasn't your time yet." That certainly alleviates the stress on me to take responsibility for the probable fact that the reason I was late to work, was because I stayed up until 2 o'clock in the morning. This is a trivial example, but it checks out as a great defense mechanism in even grander scheme scenarios.

But the problem that Barker repetitively finds, is that living a life that has no personal purpose often deflects not only the responsibility in doing the living, but the ownership of one's own life. An individual's experience has to be inherently their own. Decisions, accomplishments, short comings, all of it, has to belong to the person living the life or else that would imply that life is practically meaningless. He compares living entirely for the sake of someone else, formidably a higher power in this text, is the admittance that you are nothing more than a tool waiting around to be used. That you would be comparable to that of a hammer, who's only purpose exists in waiting for someone who needs to do some hammering. In and of yourself, you would be useless without the hand that reaches for you. This may be egotistical of me, but I am not inclined to believe that my function in the world is defined by when, if, and how I can be useful to a higher power. I am useful, because I am here. Because I exist.

I have had to call on that often during current times. What am I if I am not a great mother, an "essential worker," a participant student? What is my value if I am not able to be of some use to the world around me? Well, a large salutations to Mr. Barker, for reminding me that I am valuable to myself because I have a life to participate in for me, and in so much, my purpose is defined by the doing so. By the living.

Subsequently, Barker also makes a solid counter-argument on the systemic belief that we as a society need religion and faith based doctrines in order to know how to be "good." "How does an anti-theist know how to be a good person?" This, he concludes, is learned by the ownership of our existence and participation in the world. He uses an example in the text of a personal situation he was in, where he saved a small infant in a car seat carrier that was atop a stack of luggage from falling to the floor in an airport. "Why did I do it?" he reflects on. He concludes by saying, "It was instinctive and automatic, with no conscious deliberation, as if I were watching someone else. It was immediate emotion. As I was holding onto that carrier, I felt a huge relief, as if I had just saved my own child. My body was on full alert; my breathing and heart rate sped up. Why did I do it? I didn’t know those people. We might not have liked each other. Should it matter to me if someone else’s child gets hurt? Was it reciprocal altruism? Did I say to the mother, “Okay, lady, I did you a favor, now you owe me one”?" This example speaks on the nature of morality and ethics being biologically inherent as a human being. He did not catch the baby because of an ancient code of morality that has been passed down from generation to generation that has taught human beings how to be good or bad. He caught the baby out of pure natural reaction, to reduce harm to the species as a whole, however large or small the act may be. We are a collective, communal species. We define morality by acting in accordance with our genetic affinity for reducing harm to ourselves and others around us, not because it has been dictated to us by an overseer. There are people who will never be exposed to the word of God, that still have an innate ability to conclude, through simply living, when an action is good or bad, or harmful or helpful. This again re-affirms Barker's position that you learn what he calls, "Mere Morality" through the living, and through the doing. The lessons you learn in life should belong to you as well. God didn't act through him and use his arm as nothing more than a mere tool to catch that falling baby, he caught the falling baby. Why did he do it? Because why would you let a baby fall? You don't need a god to interpret the answer.


*cue lighthearted humorous comic strip*

But, in all actuality, I do find that my biggest critique and disconnect towards religion, that Barker also showcases wonderfully in his text, is the consistent obsession with meaning and purpose gravitating entirely around an afterlife and evaluation from a God that can never logically be proven or dis-proven. That nothing that we do in our lives, A) Belongs to us, or B) Matters in this physical, earthy realm. Everything is woven together by the concept that all occurrences in an individual's life is really just a waste of time until you die and then get to see how you did. I wonder how many runs it would take to get into heaven? Any commentary on that, Dr. Oliver? 😏

I will conclude with some key takeaways that will probably stick with me for the rest of my life, that I may have never considered without taking this class - or going through this pandemic as a secular human being existing in a largely religious society.

1. Is is about you. As Dan Barker states, "Purpose is personal. It can’t be right or wrong. It can’t be true or false. It can’t not be about you. It’s how you decide to live your own life. If someone else tells you how to live, you are not free." If you've read any of the bible, many passages and versus are directly referenced in the text, there are countless examples of the disciples rejecting their autonomy, and claiming to be nothing more than a mere shell and vessel for God to do with what he will. That, in theory, the more I evaluate it, seems awfully unrewarding. Before anyone gets carried away here, this does not mean you define your own morality. Please reference above about mere morality being the product of a communal human experience. Right and wrong still exist - you can't just start making up your own rules. Atheist still abide by constructs of morality and ethics. Speaking from personal experience, I've actually met more atheist than I have religious people who are more concerned with the greater good of society as a whole and not so centered on individualistic experience and rewards in the afterlife. Are you doing good to be good, or to buy a ticket into heaven? The answer does matter! 

2. This is your life. That is what purpose means. Life is purpose, and purpose is life. There is no amount of comfort in that realization that has come close to what religion provided for me in the past. Simply knowing that my being is reason enough to continue, to meet (even though I've not been so great at it during these turbulent times) standards and deadlines, to be present,  to participate and value myself is my purpose and that I deserve to do those things in order to have a meaningful life - for myself alone. Putting good into the world, also makes me feel good. I realize this sounds similiar to hedonism, but that would require a longer discussion differentiating between goodness and pleasure. However, I do not worry about the threat of eternal damnation, I do not worry about factors beyond explanation or my control. I know what I can do given my situation, I am aware of what I cannot do, and in the living through my experience is where purpose is found.

3. If I am wrong, I suppose the logical explanation is simply that I was not right. And I really give it no more a thought that than. I do not believe that the boogeyman lives under my bed. However, if he does, and I am scooped up in the middle of the night and consumed by this boogeyman, I believe it is safe to say there is nothing that I could do about it. If I die, and I arrive at heaven's gates, I surmise that there will be nothing for me to say other than, "Aw, Sh*t." This does not mean that I will not continue to do my best each day to be a good person because I should be a good person. I will be good to thy neighbor, because my neighbor is deserving of kindness.

Taking possession of my purpose and understanding exactly what it means to do so, has been one of the most freeing, satisfying experiences of my life. And I encourage even my most religious friends to do the same. I also have no intention of degrading those who make the conscious choice to be religious. I think religion can be a glorious metaphorical whipped cream on top of a life sundae, even if I don't prefer sweets myself. However, I find it incredibly imperative to the human experience to define and recognize that your own purpose cannot be owned, auctioned, or judged by anyone but yourself. You have earned that right.